https://pixabay.com/images/id-2425121/

Cynical Dictionary Entry #1

/pet/

noun

  1. An unhealthy coping mechanism for individuals with the inability to form or maintain long term relationships with people.
  2. One of any species, domesticated or otherwise, ripped from the loving care of its mother and sold into bondage, for a profit.
  3. A type of living gargoyle, employed by lonely people to ward off feelings of solitude and existential boredom.

“Of course I have a pet, I’m an unlovable piece of shit”.